You are hurting. Some days it hurts so bad you can’t even breathe. Same here. Some days it hurts so badly my body physically aches. Some days I break down so bad a low moan escapes from my soul. This message comes to you from someone who was lost the battle. Only I didn’t die. I wasn’t the one who took my life & I wasn’t the one who let go.
Don’t do it. Trust me. It’s not worth it. Whatever “it” is, it’s not worth it. You may think this is for the best, but it is not. Maybe you think there’s no place for you here, that’s only because you haven’t found it yet. It’s okay to be lost…most of us are.
You may not think you’re leaving anything, or anyone, behind, but you are.
It might be your mom, your dad, your sister or brother. It might even be someone you didn’t even realize cared. Maybe it’s that one person who actually ‘got’ you…and they will never understand. The one who listens to you every night as you try to push through. The one who promises, it will get better. The one who begs they need you here.
You do not want to hurt those who love you. You want to ease their pain. But for them, your abrupt exit will be absolute hell…forever. This one moment in time, when you feel as though there is absolutely nothing left here for you. This will never stop hurting them. They will never be able to shake it or ‘get over it’. It will haunt them forever.
Because, if you do it, anything they tell you, any actions that they care, will be tossed aside & disregarded as insignificant. Their feelings, their relationship with you, will forever be disregarded. In their mind, they failed. You won’t be there to prove them otherwise. Believe me, I know.
For the rest of their lives, they will be haunted by questions. Stuck in eternal one sided conversations. The void of no answer, no shrugs, no look…just nothing, not knowing…that is when your mind plays the worst tricks.
They will always question “why”?
Why were we not enough?
What could we have said or done differently? What would have made you listen? Made you see? Was it the way I said this? How could I not call in time?
How long did you sit there…alone. Were you bloated, did you bleed…did you think of calling? Were you listening to music? What was the last song you heard? How did it end? Why didn’t we deserve a goodbye? Why were we not even worth a note?
This will crush them and take them through the rest of their lives knowing they were an absolute failure. In the worst way, because it cost them you.
Those that were there, those that fought right by your side…their good memories get buried. Now, instead of reflecting back on the good times, they have to sift through the last time you said, “see ya,” instead of goodbye. When you called from the rehab center before you walked in the door… they recall night after night trying to convince you that you ARE strong enough to get through this. Night after night.
They will remember the last call & the night you didn’t call. Hearing your phone go straight to voicemail…and knowing. Then waiting for the confirmation…They will relive every moment and question their every move. And they won’t stop, they can’t stop. Like a bad movie that never ends, they will never get the answers that could make it stop. You will never be able to say, ‘it wasn’t you, it was me’ or don’t blame yourself, there was nothing you could do’.
It won’t matter, once you’re gone, when you see that you were wrong. It won’t matter, because you will already be gone. You can look down at the broken hearts, but you can’t say you’re sorry. You can look down and see how many people truly were affected by your life, by your death. How many souls you touched…and that you did have a place here on Earth. Such a powerful place you held.
If you’re sick, or not. Feel broken or not. If you truly feel ending it all is better…it’s your choice to go. But you also are turning your back on the people who stopped their whole world to be there for you. To make sure you didn’t fight alone. Forget the ones who hurt so badly right beside you. Because, if you do, you definitely aren’t thinking of them.
It won’t matter that they truly did spend all of their energy trying to convince you to live. Promising you they would always be there. It won’t matter that, when the roles were reversed YOU DID THE SAME THING, you stood right by their side. The only difference is they listened to you. They believed you. And you didn’t do the same. You left. YOU CHOSE to go. It wasn’t forced, you made the decision.
And it won’t matter that, no matter how hard they try to ‘move on’ and ‘let it go’…they can’t. No matter how hard they try to push through, they can’t.
Instead, they will go through life, carrying the weight of your life on their shoulders. They will question their ability to be a good friend, a good parent, a good son or daughter. They will shy away from others because the weight of this kind of failure is too heavy to hold. Yet, they will never be able to put it down.
Because they put it all on the line for you…but not anymore, because you decided to leave. That you were too much of a burden… and now those that were there, they will carry that burden, that weight, every day. You can’t make it right, no matter how bad you want to. You can’t, because YOU gave up and YOU took this precious gift away.
Don’t do it. Don’t think you have all the answers, that you know this is best. Because you don’t and it’s not. The repercussions are irreparable. We have been trying for a decade to get back to ‘normal’ without you here.
Word. It’s what you always used to say…now we live with the knowledge we couldn’t find that one word to make you stay.
Dear person thinking about killing yourself, it is not just you that you kill. It’s not a temporary fix, it’s forever.
You don’t have to be alone. There is always someone there. If you can’t find someone at home: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call 1-800-273-8255
A good dose of disappointment always makes you stronger, right?
I am still struggling to get over the epic loss in Sunday night’s Super Bowl 51. As I struggle, I can’t help but pause in the midst of my turmoil to admire the raw devastation that sits in my soul. I just never really imagined this could be a feeling. Over football. I was saddened in ’99, but perhaps, due to the amazing streak of the ‘90s with the Braves, I just didn’t feel this kind of emotion. There was anger & there was blame, but not this heart-stomping, blood-spewing, roller coaster of random tears of dejection to gratitude for the ‘experience’ that was had.
I log onto Social Media to get a reminder that I am not alone and I trudge through my day. and, several times over the last few days, I have reflected back and had to chuckle at myself that I can take a game this seriously.
But I am grateful.
I am grateful to be a diehard. I am grateful for our struggle. And I am really grateful our ‘catch phrase’ is RISE UP…because it is truly inspirational through this darkness.
It’s time to THROW DOWN in the ATL. Rise Up Atlanta!
I am an emotional wreck. I cannot hide it any longer. We are counting down the final days to Super Bowl LI.
And today, today I accepted the fact that I cannot hide, I cannot worry. I cannot sit and wait, scared of what curse I may be carrying for my team. This has only happened TWICE in my lifetime…
So here is my healthy spin on this amazing opportunity we will get to experience this Sunday:
We gotta grub…what should we put on the menu?
Wings can be challenging, both with vegetarians & while trying to do the dirty bird. This year we will be trying Buffalo Cauliflower Bites. With only 99 calories per serving you are also sneaking in all kinds of nutritional value as well.
Kabobs: You can’t really get more versatile than kabobs. And with the weather this week, there might even be the chance to fire up the grill! You can make kabobs easy-peasy or off the chart to impress the crowd. Vegetarian, Meat Lovers, you decide. I am definitely throwing in this sweet treat for one of our kabob options Sunday.
My #1 go-to healthy dish is always salad. But how do you turn those delicious salads into finger food? Served up n parmesan crusted cups, check out these BLT Salad & Caesar Salad recipes (leave out the meat & everyone can enjoy!)
Quesadillas: Another very versatile option, screaming finger food. Here is a more elegant take on a traditional quesadilla.
And #5, because, how often does the NFC South get to say “We’re Going to the SuperBowl”, gotta have some southern representing in the GameDay Menu…Peach Reisling Glazed Meatballs. (I may actually have to make a pot early to ‘test’ them out ;)) Nothing says Georgia louder than a dish with peaches. I am going to switch it up just a little, with half ground turkey/ half ground beef 93% lean (Laura’s Lean). Bison meat would work well too! Instead of breadcrumbs, I am subbing in Panko crumbs and found this homemade peach preserve recipe that is only 59 calories a serving. After reading the comments, I am probably only going to use half the amount of sugar (if that) and add a little bourbon to the mix 😉
No brainer – WATER
Again, bringing a little Southern mix to the party (and with the current temps), brew up some homemade Sweet Tea. If you have 2 pitchers, you can do a pitcher of Sweet & a pitcher of UnSweet.
Here is a mouth watering page of ideas to serve from the bar. I might have to try a few of these.
For your Vodka choices: I encourage more consumption of the Svedka & Absolute brands over the others.
Jack Daniels is our go-to whiskey brand as well. If you are looking for a good Blood Mary mix, Ballast Point is ‘dedicated to the craft’. A little spicy &absolutely delish.
Looking for some good Sangria? Here is a “skinny” Sangria, easy serving & perfect for gatherings.
Throwing in a plug for my hubby’s brands (and a really awesome WalMart display), both Coors & Miller offer lower calorie beer options.
Want to make it even more exciting while getting in a good work out as well? Check out our Game Card below & play along. Most of all, have fun, enjoy the day, drive safe & RISE UP!
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“Take a sip on my secret potion, it will make you fall in love…”
In my ‘past life’, we had this Mamma Hen at work who swore by Apple Cider Vinegar. If I came in saying one of the kids were sick, “Did you give them any Apple Cider Vinegar?” No, that stuff is nasty!
I would complain of a headache, hiccups, stomach ache & within a blink of my eye, she was standing there with her jar of apple cider vinegar concoction. Like any awesome mother, she actually was able to get me to try it once (gagging & holding my nose the whole time). And, not really shockingly, it worked.
I would consider myself a pretty healthy person (knocking on wood), but one day I got a yeast infection (I think…I don’t really frequent doctors either). Not something that happens to me often, I kept shrugging it off until I really couldn’t take it anymore. Suddenly, this little voice popped into my head “Did you take any Apple Cider Vinegar”?
So, I went to the store and I picked up some Apple Cider Vinegar. Drank it for a day or two and it was gone! Completely…haven’t had one come back either 🙂
This past week, I noticed a few people chatting about Apple Cider Vinegar on a Facebook Challenge I am in & I was reminded of the ‘magic’ of Apple Cider Vinegar. I decided that would make a great topic for my next post…the benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar.
“Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.”
~ Lama Yeshe
Working on instilling sustainable change in my life, I dedicated 2016 to forgiveness. It is very hard for me, I’ve learned, to just ‘let it go’. I have walked away from friendships that I viewed as unsupportive, but reflecting on, I see that I was too proud to forgive. This became a place where I really needed to spend a lot of my energy.
There is a very fine line between respecting Self & bowing to Ego. This was a very key puzzle piece for me to discover. The Ego is very tricky, can stay pretty quiet, but still control the reigns. And only when you are clear on the differences between the two, can you begin to hold your own reigns. As I delved deeper into this journey of forgiveness, I was learning that my Ego was the obstacle preventing me from this release. Even deeper was the new understanding that it wasn’t someone else I was struggling the hardest to forgive…it was actually myself. What started out as forgiveness of others quickly turned the focus towards forgiving myself.
Hm, let’s see…I think it was shortly out of high school, I started becoming interested in yoga. It wasn’t so much that I was interested in contouring & twisting my body into insane poses…
Source: Yoga & Me
Hm, let’s see…I think it was shortly out of high school, I started becoming interested in yoga. It wasn’t so much that I was interested in contouring & twisting my body into insane poses, but more the spiritual, philosophical aspect of yoga that really drew me in. It started with a book I read, The Way of The Wizard by Deepak Chopra.
Actually, I think I should probably backtrack just a little…
I LOVE TO READ. I love books, I love poetry, short stories, children’s books, fiction, biographies, self-help books…I love to read. I have always dreamed one day I would be a world famous author. Only recently I discovered how & when I actually ‘self-sabotaged’ my dream. One of my favorite authors as a young adult was Danielle Steel (romance novels). I learned one day that she was the youngest female romance novelist of recent time. Of course, I challenged myself I had to become a famous romance author before she did. Now I know, you cannot compare your successes to anyone else. Your successes, as well as your failures, are only yours. Yours to hold, yours to carry, to scrutinize and learn from.
Uncertain on the topic for my first post in nearly 2 years, I virtually dusted my quiet little blog & reviewed where I began. Intriguing, it was, to see the difference from where I began, just two years ago.
When I first started this blog, I was writing from such a different ‘voice’. I had recently experienced a sensation that shook me to my core. I had been sitting at my desk at work, and a clear knowledge came over me that the life I was living was going to kill me if I didn’t break away. Thinking of my family, I listened to the voice within & I walked away. Continue reading
wellness:simple 